I turned 23 today.
Not sure if I should be celebrating, panicking, or laughing at how fast everything’s moving.
I thought I’d write about “quarter-life crisis.”
But then my overthinking brain said, you’re probably not living till 100, so technically, you’ve already passed the quarter, Fuck!
I’ve been thinking a lot, about life, identity, what the hell I’m doing, and why this stage feels like someone handed me a puzzle with half the pieces missing.
So yeah, this isn’t advice. It’s just me, trying to make sense of the mess. Maybe you’ll relate.
The Identity Shitstorm
Lately, I’ve been having these deep conversations with my friends.
We all seem to be spiralling in our own versions of an identity crisis. Some of us are doing well on paper. Others, not so much. But almost all of us are lost somewhere deep inside.
We all carry different identities.
Some are given to us — by family, culture, or circumstance.
Some we build — through our choices and effort.
Some we don’t even notice — because we’ve never really looked.
And some we hide — because we’re afraid of what others might think.
As kids, it was easy.
We didn’t need to define who we were. “Student” was enough of an identity.
There was a system, some pressure, but a predictable path.
You could avoid asking the scary questions.
But the real chaos starts when you stop being a student.
You graduate.
You lose structure.
You lose certainty.
You probably had high hopes going into college.
You enjoyed the freedom, the friendships, the occasional existential crisis you could still laugh off.
But then came the big question: “Joili aayo mone?”
You thought the path was clear: get a degree, study well, land a job.
What actually happened?
Recession.
AI boom.
Nothing.
Suddenly, you’re not a student, not in your dream job, and not anywhere you imagined you’d be.
Now you’re just… you. And you realize you have no idea who that is.
Identities We Adopt
Before I get into the core, let’s talk about the kind of identities we all take up at some point. This might help you understand what identity really is, and how it messes (or helps) with your emotions.
Football Fan
Being a football fan isn’t just about watching games — it becomes a part of who you are.
You wear the jersey, you know the stats, you feel personally attacked when someone disrespects your team.
The emotional highs and lows of a match day feel like your own wins and losses.
It gives you hype, pride, community and most importantly, it gives you a sense of belonging.
Cinephile
There was a time you probably flexed your Marvel knowledge more than your exam results.
In school or college, this gives you status among friends.
You start feeling like you’re someone because of it.
Politics
Political identity can become all-consuming.
You align with an ideology, follow leaders like celebrities, argue passionately, and feel validated when your “side” wins.
It gives you a sense of control, a mission, a way to express your values.
But it can also trap you if you’re not conscious of why you believe what you believe.
Religion is one of the most powerful and purposeful identities.
It gives you structure — rituals, prayers, do’s and don’ts — and a community that shares your worldview.
You feel a sense of meaning, purpose, and belonging.
Often, people become more religious with age, especially after retirement — because once their work identity ends, religion offers something constant and comforting to hold onto.
It becomes a way to keep being someone, even when the world forgets who you were.
Labels Given by Others
He’s the topper, She’s the singer, He’s the funny guy, She’s the quiet one.
Some identities are just slapped onto you by others.
And over time, you start becoming what they said you are.
You carry these roles long after they stop serving you.
Sometimes you don’t even want it, but you keep playing the part because it’s what people expect.
Identity Isn’t the Problem. Lack of Awareness Is.
There’s nothing wrong with adopting an identity.
We all do it. We need to. It gives us direction, purpose, belonging — all that human stuff.
But here’s where it can fuck you up:
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That identity starts controlling your emotions and decisions.
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It was never really your identity to begin with.
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You’re unconsciously suppressing the real you underneath it.
This is where self-awareness becomes important.
Yeah, I know I say this in everything I write, but that’s because it’s so damn important.
It takes effort to really look at yourself.
To admit you’re carrying something that doesn’t feel like you anymore.
To say, “I don’t actually enjoy this job/lifestyle/label, I just stayed because it was easier.”
That mismatch between your real self and your masked identity?
It will eat you from the inside out, until one day regret punches you in the face.
And trust me regret is heavier than failure.
You’ll start feeling burnt out.
Your job becomes boring.
You lose curiosity, excitement, connection.
And then you try to buy happiness — gadgets, parties, trips but nothing hits the spot.
Because deep down, you’re living someone else’s story.
Why Knowing Your Core Identity Matters
We all want to be somebody.
But the thing is, if you don’t know what’s really driving your actions — your beliefs, your behaviors, you’ll keep trying to find happiness in the wrong places.
You’ll build a life around an identity that doesn’t fit.
Some people try to find identity and happiness in their spouse, their child, or some role they didn’t choose.
And worse, you might start pushing your identity on others, thinking yours is superior — the right way to live. That’s how we end up with extremists, fanatics, and culture wars.
Only if we understand that we have an identity and that most of our actions are driven by it can we respect other people and their identities too.
That’s why in India, we’re always fighting for some identity we were given, or we think we believe in and then we fight against the idea of building our own.
This is why it takes us so long to figure out what actually makes us happy.
So What’s helped me?
Try to figure out:
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What part of this is actually you?
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What part is just a mask?
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Are you living for meaning, or just approval?
One thing that helped me?
Looking back at childhood.
Think about what you loved as a kid.
What you missed.
What you obsessed over.
That stuff often helps you find what you’ve lost while growing up.
It’s not instant. Like every good thing, it starts with a dip.
It’s uncomfortable. It takes time.
But if you stick through it, you’ll come out feeling aligned, not confused.
You’ll start admiring who you are.
You’ll find people who really get you.
Just a Heads Up
You’ll still be confused sometimes.
But you’ll be a lot happier.
Stop settling for cheap identity.
Because if you do, you’ll always feel like something’s missing later.
Final Note Before I Go:
So yeah, I guess this might help you somewhere… or it might feel too preachy, sorry!
But anyway, try enjoying your fucking amazing life.
Because YOLO.
People who inspired me to write this
- Finding the Light at the End of the Tunnel by Kiran Johns
- Aparna Vivek
- All the friends who have shared their thoughts with me, helping me grow wise enough to write this.